June 2, 2011

Sitting one 1970 summer day on the lawn in front of Grandmas house with Stephen my neighbor.  He had just had his head shaved by his dad and was upset.  His family were  Jehovah Witnesses and he was explaining how they wanted him to live.  I remember tears in his eyes…  He took out a knife from his pocket and made a  tiny slit in both our palms we  became blood brother and sister that day.

(This photo reminds me of him)

Later a year or two, he became my protector keeping me safe from the other boys in town. He was my first boyfriend.  The boy next door. In my eyes he was beautiful. He had long wavy brown hair that nearly reached his belt, brown eyes that were soft, warm and always smiling. Steve had a smile that made you feel like the sun would never stop shining.  We used to  talk  for hours about deep and meaningful things, and he was always teaching me about the world even though he was two years younger than me.

One day as we got older he found a new girlfriend while we remained friends. He never truly let go of me, nor I of him.  Until one day a mistake was made, and we both were hurt.  It wasn’t long after, that I never saw him again.

All of my life I have loved him as my best friend, brother, and lover.  I tried to find  Stephen a few years back and was told by a mutual friend his life had gone wrong.  Now it’s believed he is gone from us here on earth, and I cant accept it.  I can’t find proof, I need to know.  He’s always been there, somewhere…  in  my heart I always knew he was out there somewhere and that made it okay.  I don’t even have a photo of him.  He was just a boy the last time I saw him.  The above photo captures something of what he was like and times I remember with him.

Where are you Stephen?

This is kind of  an emotional Thankful Thursday… but I want to thank you Stephen for being the love of my life…  we’re still bloodkin no matter where you are and I will always hold you dear.

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