I know it’s late, but it’s still Thursday for me, so better late than never.
Today I am thankful for the new discoveries of old wisdom about who I am and what is most important to me. I am thankful that I am the kind of person who “goes boldly where no one has gone before”, who steps in sands of time unafraid of the costs that may be paid. I’m the sort of person who although is not fearless, fears little. I’m thankful for humility, this is something I have had to learn over the years. The lessons in life generally within the past 5 or 6 years have truly brought with them a realization which has been hard for me to grasp.
Here it is…
…no. First in true Susan Catt fashion I must give preliminary information, ground floor kind of stuff that sets the stage. So here we go…
Having been raised in a breeder mentality home where breeding animals was a way of life. Not sure if some of it was genetic but most certainly much of it was instilled in me and has become an ingrained part of who I am. It’s a pretty difficult thing to think of anything regarding any species of animal without considering how the genetics of the individuals involved would play out. Hell, I bred Daphne for Pete’s sake! I have bred or grew, however you want to visualized it, cultures to feed my many show Betta’s…
From two show champion parents Mozart a Half Moon male, never shown but champion quality.
Rojo was double tail Half Moon male The blue streaks would have placed second in a show.
Wizard a double tail Half Moon male not quite Champion quality but WOW what babies he produced.
Symphony was a half moon female from Champion lineage that I imported from a breeder in Thailand.
I have bred show guppies also. As, a child I grew up with tons of litters of puppies from AKC Champion dogs that my mother bred, She was an AKC approved judged and also a professional handler. We bred horses back then too, Paint Stock horses. We bred our cow. And no breeding was taken lightly -soundness, conformation, pedigrees, temperament, movement, color and appropriateness for the job the animal would be doing all were painfully gone over. As an adult I have practiced the same criteria when breeding my Betta’s, and breeding my Arabian horses and later my Spanish Mustangs.
So what does this have to do with, “The lessons in life generally within the past 5 or 6 years have truly brought with them a realization which has been hard for me to grasp.”,you ask? Well let me tell you another story. I had goals in my Spanish Mustang breeding program, goals which would take me well into my 80′s as a breeder. I was well on my way too. Then life started to happen and horses were sold. My daughter kept one of our horses and that horse held the future in her veins. This brought the plans of the past into the present and I bred her to take the program to the next phase. producing my last colt. The bloodlines were too few thus destroying any hope of resurrecting the program. So what now? I dive into training geldings… BORING! Oh, and then their are San Clemente Goats (remember the goats?) I can breed them!! Oh and Yak’s yes I have already picked out what I feel are top quality yaks to breed. YIKES WHY? Because I don’t know how not to breed critters. Yet the realization you all have been patiently waiting for is this…
…yes I’m going to reveal it now…
A breeder of animals is not who I really am. A breeder of animals was instill in me and has shaped me over the years. Having enjoyed every moment of it I am proud of what I accomplished in my breeding goals. I own a beautiful black bay colt (I know its really a dark bay – but I really don’t care if the descriptive is accurate, to me he is a black bay like his grandmother, La Senorita de Madrid). I took him for a walk today and he took my breath away. I am satisfied with him. Celt’s Prophecy will continue to leave me and others breathless for many years to come. How lucky am I that I and my family will be able to enjoy such beauty created from our own aspirations? I am thankful that Asad, and Madrid came to share their lives with us and that they gave us such a beautiful spirit in Kindlewood who taught us many lessons, and was a dear friend who in the end along with The Spirit of Bear Paw completed that old goal to produce Celt’s Prophecy, the colt who had 10 years of specific planning put in to his birth.
It is time to shed my skin like Dragon my bearded dragon sheds his, having grown a new one. Or revealing a true one as in my case. My true skin does not include breeding animals. It’s time for Susan Catt to leave breeding behind. It’s been hard to come to this realization or rather accepting it, because I think in terms of breeding and my purpose in life was connected to it. But with Kindlewood’s passing, Asad, and Madrid gone now that purpose is gone as well. I have come to appreciate their presence during that time in my life, to find thankfulness in that. However, I have a new life ahead of me, Pro will come along as a friend, but he won’t be what makes me ME. What we do together will make us US. I’ll spend a great deal of time out on the water, building an E-book hosting site, blogging about life, and possibly about sustainability. All of which are passions I have set aside for the breeding program. I am an artist too and was at one time a well paid artist of gallery pieces. I want to be an artist again. I want to build saddles for Spanish Mustangs. I want to write a book… I want MORE in life than breeding animals. That’s the lesson, if I continue to try to breed animals I will never have the resources to accomplish these other things in life. It is going to be a rocky road ahead, but I know that if I continue as I have been that I wont reach my higher goals in life. So with these higher goals as beacons set ahead of me I will do my best to stay on my path and experience as many things that are part of my true being letting the instilled ones go.
For this realization I am thankful. I am thankful for my mothers gift, I am thankful for the Creators gifts of vision, and the ability to bring that vision to bear. I am most thankful that I love who I am without those gifts. The non breeder me is someone I still have to spend time with and I am looking forward to getting to know her more intimately.
Oh and aside from all of this…
Simrat I am so thankful you are my friend and understanding, you a such a kind and gentle forgiving spirit. I Love You!
Krissy you have shown me what a true friendship is and I am so thankful you came into my life four years ago I treasure your firendship. We have been each others conscience, shoulder to cry on, with arms extended to hug when needed. We laugh together, share our woes and celebrate our successes. I Love You!
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