Today’s Thankful Thursday has its challenges.  Mostly because my mind has been burdened with disappointments that I have caused others this past week.  To be honest I can’t wait until this horse thing is over.  In my plight to find my horse a home I made some folks pretty mad at me.  What their anger did was cause me to think about how my horse life has looked to others for the past 5 years.  If I were them, how would I see me?  To be honest I agree with them from their limited view of my life’s reality.  It also solidifies my divestation from the emotional side of the equation.  As much as it hurts to know that folks may see me in light(s) other than the one in which I see myself, it was the last thread severed allowing me to break free of a dieing way of life.  For these people and their limited views of my life I am thankful.  I mean really thankful!  They had power and used it.  I guess I hold on to things so tightly that such power was needed, monumental force, to break my iron grip once and for all.  I thank these people for using that power.  I am not angry and don’t blame them.  It’s a simple disagreement, in their life they were right, for my life they were wrong. I am sorry that we disagree on what is an ethical or moral approach.  What I am thankful for is their words as those words launched a series of thoughts that have given rise to understandings of how I have become me.  Their words have become a gift.  For this gift I want to say thank you.

As a child I was extremely shy, so shy that I nearly always played alone with my horses and other animals.  These creatures taught me how to communicate with them.  They let me inside and I ventured within them with wonder and complete abandon.  Most of my adult life I have been shy and suffered from panic attacks when in groups or meeting new people.  To have communication I would turn to my horses.  I am a good teacher and as long as I focused on the subject I was a good conversationalist with people but outside of that comfort zone I would be left speechless and shy. When Krissy came into my life I began stepping out and we talked. We have talk nearly everyday online for the past 4 years.  I went to work for a Chiropractor working hands-on ‘on people’ in a office full of people. I went back to school to become a massage therapist and since have developed many clients and friends whom I talk to everyday.  I have discovered I do not talk to my horses as often as I use to.  So here is a recent discovery…   that horses were a need, not a chosen part of my life.  They fulfilled something lacking in me.  That something is no longer lacking, it’s full to the brim.  Obviously there needs to be a balance as I am by nature an animal person and am connected at the hip to horses.  So I’m looking into horse art…

Rustic Moon Crafts

…saddle making, maybe collecting horse models/sculptures.  Something that evokes an emotional response and connection while fulfilling my horse alcoholic addiction.   Oh yes I am addicted to them which brings me to another realization…  I have been obsessed with them to an unhealthy level.

I’m kicking my habits… 

For the above influences on my life I am very thankful and I hope that by sharing the perspectives above  that others also going through challenges, or disappointments, or changes either by choice or by the Creator’s hand are able to recognize a path to the goodness these things bring into our lives and be thankful for them.

Lastly I am thankful that Colorado is only 5 weeks away…

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