I’ve been amiss in my Thankful Thursday posts.  With building my Rum Felicity and Catt Paw Massage websites there has been plenty of  online creative processing.  That and along with working on a web presence for my friend, Simrat’s online art home, and facebook posts and meanderings  I’ve been pretty busy.

I need though to acknowledge some wonderful things that are happening in my life.  So here goes.

1) I feel so fortunate to be employed by Montanya Distillers.

They are great people with a driving force to succeed.  What other kind of people would I want to align myself with.  If you apply yourself you can’t fail.  Apply myself  is what I am doing and I feel like my employers recognize this and appreciate it.  Yet I have had a couple set backs thanks to San Juan Mountain weather, having to cancel rum tastings in Grand Junction and Montrose last Friday.  Heather and I are suppose to be taking off today to get those tastings done.  I wake up this morning look outside and  argh… more snow!  The Mountains look socked in. I hope its just a dusting and we can make this trip as I don’t want to cancel on these folks again.  This is the first time I’ve been bummed by the snow.  I’m thinking that no more trips planned around the state until after April. Do all my driving this summer and settle back into phone calls this winter.  With that said, I am going back to Arizona first week in April to do tastings there which brings me to my second item to be thankful for.

2) My car is a good little car, but its not a long distance car by any means.  Its wonderful in the conditions I live in here in Silverton,  yet it struggles a bit out on a road.  I worry that if I take it too far from home, I’ll get stuck somewhere and have to call my son-in-law to come get me.  So, I have this Montanya trip planned for April to Arizona.  Its a good gig, worth the effort in the potential income it could generate.  So what did my company do?  They are renting a car for me to take on this trip so that I can get our product established in Arizona.  I know that other companies do this sort of thing… it’s just never been done for me before.  I am so thankful!!  I want this job to blossom for all concerned, I’m loyal and dedicated to the company and it feels good that they recognize something in me and are willing to take a risk on me.   Well its not really a risk… but some folks would see it that way.

This brings me to the third item.

3) Risk.

I’ve been looking at horses for a while now – trying to decide whether I want one or not and if I do, which kind.  Well I settled on the fact that I do want another horse. Its really hard though, because I am in love with a certain kind of horse a certain quality and personality. I’ve been spoiled by the likes of Asad, Kindlewood, and Madrid.  Elegant athletic, comical and loving companions.  These horses knew how to be friends.  They also had a certain beauty and grace that made the heart and soul sing when you gazed upon them.  So as I studied different breeds and individuals I became aware that what I really wanted was something similar to them in type and being.  As much as I admired other horses and types of horses, my heart would start when I came across certain ones.  In the process I tried to buy three different horses and either was turned down or became apprehensive and backed out.  I have a real fear of facing the pain that disease can cause for my horse after the devastating effect Kindlewood’s suffering and death had on me.  I could not bring her son home, because I was too afraid, and he reminded me of horses of the past.  A risk I just could not make myself face. I needed to move forward not backward.  I just could not look upon Pro everyday and not see him , but rather see his mother and her death,  and the loss of his grand sire and grand dam.  Not fare to him and too painful for me.  Heather said it yesterday… Mom, you had to sever yourself from them in order to move forward with a horse.  How profound of her!

So move forward I have…  and this is where I have landed.

Just a gorgeous 3 year old filly named Shades of Gray. A registered Spanish Mustang, gaited and appy.  Definitely my type of elegance and fluidity. I have never liked gray horses.  But I have fallen in love with this girl.  She is appy but she is turning gray which means that she will lose her spots someday and become a white horse.  I see fine China!!

Isn’t Shade one of the most feminine and sweet girls you’ve ever laid eyes on.  She’s a girly girl and I love that about her! I am back to being excited about the future and making plans for how we will live together. What kind of gear we’ll use together and what kind of education we’ll share together.  New journeys… new adventures.

Shade will remain in South Dakota at Don and Terri Harwood’s until June 2012 then she’ll make her journey to Silverton to play with me in the mountains for the summer, learn about human idiosyncrasies like climbing up on her back and such nonsense.  Then she will spend her first Colorado winter on pasture near Silverton.  I’m thinking of bringing her in off pasture in February of each year and boarding her for three or four months each spring where I can take lessons and brush up on my dressage training as someday this is what I want to do with her.  Haute Ecole…

Dreams… I want to thank Don and Terri Harwood of Blue Moon Spanish Mustangs for making this new dream possible. I’m so full of gratitude.

4) I want to thank everyone who has traveled this journey with me and have remained good freinds and valuable support.  Those who felt the impact of my experiences and shared their warmth and kindness as we waded through the muck together.  YOU all mean the world to me!

Thank you!

Popularity: 3% [?]

December 9, 2010

Well its final Pro stays with  Kathy of Kickapoo Farm in Wisconsin.  I am horseless.  Kathy has plans to put Pro under saddle in the spring and possibly take him to the Midwest Fair in 2011.  I’m moving on… but will enjoy watching him grow and flourish in Kathy’s capable hands over the coming years.  I am so grateful for Kathy!  Kathy you are the most wonderful human being!

Much is on the wind these days.

(Painting by Josephine Wall titled “Wind of Change”)

My C/Store job may be at risk as we have very little business right now. I may be forced to look at unemployment which I have never used before, and since I am also self employed it may be out of my reach.  So if that happens folks I may be forced to move back to AZ for work. If this comes around I will look for something similar to what I have here in living situation and pick back up many of my clients.  This could mean doubling or tripling my income, and it would not be a permanent move, as I would keep my place here too. It could turn into a 6 months here 6 months there sorta deal. Goal?  To pay off my debts.  I have no real desire to move back to Arizona, you all read the negative impact it had on me during this past trip back to visit friends.  But I can handle AZ… AZ you  just bring it on!  Don’t get me wrong I love her still. I just get messed up when I’m there..  I can handle it though and maybe it would be good for me to go back and become master of her rather than influenced by her.

I was thinking I could take up a couple classes while there in the winter months (OH GOD NO!  Not a SnowBird!!)… I’d actually miss the snow… sheesh!  But I also build websites and I’m kinda behind the ball an could use some updating in php etc. Then there is continuing education for my massage business and I could finish up my studies for my Nationals accreditation.  So it may be a good move if it comes to be. I am grateful that I have the opportunity to move if I choose to.  How freeing!  I am grateful that I have many friends and clients in AZ who would like to see me return even if only for a few months.

It’s a big  IF!

So now here I am  excited about the possibilities.  What comes next…  how life winds around in its own unconcerned journey to find us ever moving and always evolving.  Gotta love this life!

Things to be thankful for:

1) my quality of life is fabulous

2) my family and friends are everything to me

3) Dragon woke up from his 2 month sleep!! Did I tell all of you that!?  YAY Dragon Companionship – he is the best!

4) my health is excellent

5) It’s a wonderful holiday season

6) I so enjoy my little abode, its safe,warm and comfy.  My plants and paintings, and rug all make it so enjoyable and relaxing to be in.

Have a great week all!  Be thankful – life has so much to offer!

Popularity: 1% [?]

It’s time for some introspection.  First of all I had a wonderful time in Arizona with my friends.  Each with their own unique beauty  and experience to share with me.  The trip to AZ caused some confusion for me though.  First off I miss Arizona, the desert and of course my friends there.  I was however reminded that I am ill affected by the number of people, housing, cars etc that have encroached upon the desert.

The 10 hour trip home was a very difficult experience and threw me into a space of self protection.  First off what use to take 20 minutes to get onto the Beeline (hwy 87), heading North to Payson took one and half hours because of the clusterfuck (excuse my language) of new freeways and housing developments that have arisen over the past  couple years.  I felt like I was being thwarted at every turn to just get onto the Beeline.  Once on it, there was more road construction, then people setting up road side bargain shopping or something, then snow in Heber.  Finally everything settles down and I feel a little like I can cruise along and I’m hit with rain and fog.

( Photo from “The WIT Continuum” post titled “The All Knowing Fog”)

It felt like Arizona had its massive fingers tightly wrapped around me with their iron grip and that I was battling every step of the way to cut myself loose. So when I finally hit Hwy 40, I booked it.  Yep I booked it so well I ended up with a speeding ticket.  Driving through the Navajo Reservation was simple as always – I always feel so good driving through there, but by now I am frazzled. This is when Heather calls me and wants to know how far out I am because they are having a blizzard in the San Juan Mountains.  I’m thinking someone or something really does not want me to return to Silverton, or leave Arizona. I was in tears for most of the trip over the mountain passes pushing snow ahead of me on Coal Bank Pass. Thankfully to our CDOT road crew stationed in Silverton, Molas Pass and Silverton were plowed and the last 3 miles was uneventful down the worst section of narrow cliff-side road and into town.  I arrived at 4pm went straight to Heather’s and dipped into her rum. Emotionally torn up and just plain beat, it’s taken several days to gather my thoughts and get settled in again.

The feel of being squeezed in by Arizona reminded me of the Apache Spirits that some believe live in the Superstition Mountains. I spent approximately 52 hours under the Sups and thought of those Spirits more than once.  While driving home I remembered my connection to those people and to the Thunder and Rock Beings whom I miss so much.  I remembered a trip my parents and I took some 20 years ago from Canyon Lake to Apache Lake on hwy 88. You end up going along  a sheer wall of the Sups as you make the hairpin curve of Hells Canyon.  It’s for the most part a single lane  with two way traffic along the cliffside.  My mother was an athiest, she loathed any  kind of spirituality and regarded any discussion of any such spiritual or religious topic grounds for a debate.  All of a sudden she calls out as we’re driving along the sheer cliff wall, “This is where they all are!”.    My dad looks at me kinda a funny while I ask her what she meant.  She said this is where the Apache jumped to their deaths and their spirits are here with us.  Well there is a story whether true or not about Apache’s falling to their deaths but which mountains that happened in is debatable.  I think there is a story that refers to the Chiricahua Mountains, but I believe that there may have been more than one incident.  I have no proof,  just something I have gathered having spoken with different local Apache.  It may all be in a my head, but I too believe that the Spirits exist there.  My trip home made me think of them and wonder if they wanted me to stay. I know a wee bit voodoo-ish for some to grasp,  but  my Native American Path grasps it just fine.

So on to other introspection’s.  I also realized or rather acknowledged, that I am still not home. Home is in the heart, and in that sense I’m very well adjusted to my home. But as for location… I’m still in limbo.  When Pro comes home I’ll  be looking at moving again Will it be this coming summer or the next I have no idea. I was telling a friend that I have been considering Bayfield, CO. It is close to Heather (2 hours away), less snow, possible work, place for horses and reasonable cost of living.  She suggested that I consider living in 2 places like so many people in Silverton do.  She suggested that I move back to Arizona for 4 or 5 months out of the year.  It would mean Id have to  keep two places, both cheap, and haul my horse back and forth or just see him at certain times of the year. ACK!!!! CONFUSION!  I’m thinking I’m going to let go and let whatever comes in the future, come in the future.  I can’t seem to plan for anything, and that frustrates me.  I really dislike the feeling of frustration or anxiety or any other negative feeling, so cast them away as soon as I realize they are haunting me. I know this, I want to be close to the Spirits again!  I also understand that you cant call out Spirits Guides to stand with you or give you hints  about life.

But I miss Pasquehela a Native Spirit who use to sit at my side when I needed strength in making decisions.  Where oh where have you gone?  Who or what is out there that I am missing?

My friend in Apache Junction lives his life much by the teachings of Buddha and I have been kinda reading up a bit on the “religion”  ummm… “way of life” in order to understand him more deeply.

What I found was a similarity to  Quantum Theory. Now that is something that I can grasp onto and run with.  Here is an article that simplifies  Quantum Buddhism and makes much sense to me.   Since coming home I have been struggling with some things and feel like one giant contradiction.  Then reading this article I realize that I am not contradicting myself at all, but am experiencing varied self awareness’s.  Read the article to understand what I mean.  But here is an excerpt to  spark your curiosity.

This cycle of events can be called a unit of eye consciousness or a QUANTUM of eye consciousness. (QUANTUM = a packet). The cycle of events is the same with all six types of sensory modalities. This is the fundamental unit of LIFE. After one sensory quantum wanes, another sensory quantum comes up like the waves in the seashore. Life is a pulsatile interrupted flow of these cycles (sensory quantums). The time duration of one quantum may be about 1/20th of a second (=50 milliseconds). Then per every one second there is an interrupted flow of about 20 quantums of life, with each and every quantum there arises a NEW SELF, with new perception, new volition and a new body lasting only for about 1/20th of a second and dies off.

SELFLESSNESS

In the analysis of a quantum of life, it is very clear that there is no permanent, unchangeable self inside the body who can perceive, think and act. Instead there are different SELVES coming up with each consciousness and passes away with the same consciousness which lives only for about 1/20th of a second (=50 milliseconds).

My point being is that I don’t always agree with myself and I find myself  debating within on various thoughts and how I handle myself during times of confusion. Usually like today I handle myself by writing them down – voicing them. I’m really looking for a discussion on the matters with those who may have sparked the flood of thoughts to help me clean them up.  As usual though like all of us I have to wade through them alone and look for ways to see through the mess to find the self I prefer to be.  What I love about the Quantum Buddhist theory and some of the teachings from “The Secret” is that I am in control and can choose which self I want to be. Meditation is one way of getting there, yet I spend so much time alone I am almost always in a state of meditation so again its how to gain control of those varying SELF’s  culling them toward who and what I want to be… simplify my self.  There it is again… simplicity – my best friend.

Where peace, growth and ultimate joy flourish.

Popularity: 1% [?]

Blahhh…   I’ve been sick for the past couple of days.  Seem to be getting over it though fairly quickly.  Which is good because I need to be working as much as possible the next week prior to my trip back to AZ.  Even in illness I find beauty.  Things like Pam sending over EmergenC and Heather making me soup – and how yummy it was too! I spent the whole day yesterday listening to tantra music and tribal belly dancing music. I love the primal feel of both and the images they conjure… the journeys they wisp you away on. So I spent an entire day journeying  to places only my mind can take me. It was nice to be so in tune with ME.

Only 8 more days and I’ll be visiting my bestest friend, Krissy in AZ.

(Here is Krissy with her best buddy Celt’s Kindlewood – or more lovingly known as Wooders)

She just had her second son and I am so looking forward to seeing her and both her boys.  Then I venture off to meet up with Ron, my old buddy from yesteryear, and someone with whom I am starting a new adventure with.  I’ll be visiting Rebecca also and maybe even Sheila while I’m there.

(There goes Rebecca riding Sophie, her paint mare, on one our trail rides)

I could use a good old fashioned Inipi (sweat), so maybe that’s in store for me too, along with a nice spa day.  Man cant ask for anymore than that. I am so excited.  I’m one lucky girl!

No…   I worked hard to get to this place… never will I forget those who passed, the battles I waged…  the losses… the gains…  the people who stood beside me…  the ones left behind, and those present in my life today…  all that has culminated in who I  have become.

One lucky girl.

Isn’t life wonderful!!

Popularity: 2% [?]

October 28, 2010

The other night I was asked a question about  whether or not I would return to Arizona.  That question was qualified with “you love where you are“, and it is true I do love Silverton.  I love things about Silverton and I do intend on keeping my room here.  However from the beginning the reason for moving here was to be closer to Heather and the original plan was to move somewhere close by where I could have my horse more comfortably.  I’ve been thinking of Bayfield or Ridgeway, both of which would provide more work. Bayfield is about two hours away and Ridgeway about an hour and a half.  So Silverton was never meant to be my “home“.  What I love about this community is the old town buildings, the sense of living in the wilderness, a good many of the people. What I don’t like about it, is that most of those shops close up for the winter, a lot of bickering goes on in town that you cant escape from.  I miss a swimming pool,  I really am not fond of having to bundle up every time I go outside.  Opportunity has sprang up from this move and the lifestyle I have adopted and I love that part about living here.

When I think about it, Arizona has always been my first love, I never really wanted to leave her. What I wanted was to move to a cooler climate as in  maybe Payson, but the drive to get closer to Heather  had me looking at Show Low, Arizona, and places in New Mexico, and if you have followed this blog for any length of time you may have noticed that the trend then moved up to Mancos with the final destination, a last minute decision, being Silverton. Moving here was a logistic move and a financial one. It turned out to be a healing experience.  I have found beauty here in amazing bounty. But I do not find that Sultann Mountain or Kendall Mountain are more beautiful or awesome than the Superstition Mountains. The Sup’s, they were my home for 16 years. I miss the Sup’s. What I don’t miss is the smog, the cars, the people.  Those things bring tears to my eyes and thus unhappiness when I think of how they have overrun the home I loved for so long.

Would I ever return to Arizona…  maybe.  I find beauty wherever I am.  I think that if my life’s unfulfilled needs, those things I am researching about myself and for my peace, pleasure and well being, were to be bulstered  or brought to fruition by a move back to AZ, I would go.

I am certain that Heather will feel threatened by this knowledge.  The responsibility toward her heart’s feelings weighs heavy upon my own heart.  So if I ever took that journey regardless of where it might take me it would be with her in mind.  I would keep my room and remain present in her life.  Now Heather, don’t get all panicky, nothing is happening. I am not planning a move. I am quite content right here. I do have a future laying itself out before me though, and if it takes that turn, I may move.  Nothing is written in stone in life. Everything is always swirling around like  a pool of water and could change at any moment. I am the type of person who likes to move with the water and see what lays upon the shore just a little farther down stream. Which is how I viewed coming to Silverton and how I viewed moving to Arizona so many years ago.  Like another friend suggested today, I tend to be a bit of fish that way.  Swimming with the current…

Look at me!  I’m a neon fish.  I cant wait to see where this new life of mine takes me next.  Like Jonathan Livingston Seagull…  in the water or upon the wind… it really doesn’t matter. All I want to do is to continue exploring this kingdom called life with all the gusto I can manage.  I am so lucky to be in a place where I can venture wherever my heart takes me if I so choose. To celebrate my life in all of its completeness.

A celebration for which I am so grateful for.

Popularity: 2% [?]

THANKFUL  THURSDAY 

For more thankful Thursdays be sure to visit these sites.

Akal Ranch

Tired Dog Ranch

Enlightened Horsemanship Through Touch

Popularity: 6% [?]

“In 1858 Maricopa Wells was a key relay station for the famous Butterfield Overland Mail Line, the longest mail line in the world.  Later it became even more important in the growth and development of the southwest when a mail route was established from Maricopa Wells into the Phoenix area.  Anyone traveling from the east to the west and all points north had to travel through Maricopa Wells during these years. This mecca in the desert continued to be one of the most important places in southern Arizona until 1879.”

A 16-mule freight team at Maricopa Wells ca.1870. Courtesy of Casa Grande Historical Society

The Above photo and excerpt were reprinted at   85239.com  from “Reflections of a Desert Town” Edition II, by Patricia Brock.   ”Reflections of  Desert Town” can be purchased at the Maricopa Library, Secondhand Pages Book Store, or the Maricopa Chamber of Commerce for $25 and 100% of proceeds will go to the future Maricopa History Room.

Well when I set out write today’s Sunday Historathon I intended to outline the early travel modes across the American southwest desert.  I was foiled in nearly every attempt to uncover exactly what I was looking for.  However the gems I did run across are quite interesting and fun to explore.

First I ran across this journal covering  The American Southwest – Footsteps of the Ancients Expedition, and found the exhaustive research available on this website fabulous reading.  Since much of the Arizona Trail runs through areas covered in this journal,  and the discussion within the journal are based on historic and archaeological studies, I thought it might help everyone get a better minds eye of the kind of country, and historic experience Arizona Trail ride will offer. 

Then off again I commenced looking for stage coach travel in the Southwest.  The best I could come up with was this website  The Overland Trail  about general stage coach collecting.  It does share a lot of interesting facts about many of the makes and models of stage coaches, their producers and collectors, that were in use during the 1800′s and early 1900′s.  While still engrossed in stage coaches I found this encyclopedia’s account which led me to… 

 Jesse James…   who is again appropriate since one of our Spanish Mustang favorite foundation stallions was the famous Jesse James.  Arizona did have its share of stage coaches which led to its share of stage coach robbers which led to…   more interesting outlaw goings ons where stage coach and other misfortunates are concerned here at  Legends of America.  I’ve been lost on this site all day.  I am amazed at how many outlaws Arizona had in the 1800′s.  You never really hear about them less the OK Corral crowd in Tombstone. But this state had its share of bad guys.

So forcing myself back on track I switched from stage coaches to chuck wagons and found this interesting webpage  Chuck Wagon Central can be found on this website,  Lone Hand Western.  Some great history, good chuck viddles, music, and a chuck wagon registry can be found here.

Photo Courtesy of  Ghost Cowboy.com

Popularity: 24% [?]