I thought I had been going through a sort of death and rebirth over the past few years.  Going back through this blog its  apparent the struggle of birth with all its discomfort, and like a baby, I just don’t want to look back upon it anymore.  I have some ideas for the future. Ive thought a lot about just writing snippets on gratitude, or short notes on moving forward, something positive or rewarding. Just doesn’t feel right in this venue. Too many memories on this blog of how I got here.

So…

I’m mulling over the idea of a new blog to commemorate not just having been reborn, but more importantly that I’m living my new life and about to  take off and soar.

I have a new dog, a standard chocolate poodle named Persia.  She is a delightful upbeat addition to my life.  I’m already learning so much from her.  She’s the best company ever!

I’m very close to owning my canoe, only a few more payments, and Persia and I will be out on the water this summer.  Finally!  Somewhere back in this blog I discuss what being out on water would mean to me.  Well I’m almost there(!), and I have the greatest companion ever  in Persia to share it with.

A beautiful Spanish mustang mare is coming to live with me in a few months, Her name is MP Cinnamon Spice.

She is a bay daughter of Ghost Warrior,  and out of Sequoya’s Creek Shawnee.  I wont be owning Cinnamon, at least not up front. I will be leasing her for two years with a goal of training her and getting a foal from her.  With the decision to lease Cinnamon, my life feels alive and full again.

Some crucial realizations have come to me the past few months.  For one, I am unable to walk away from my horse passion. Its just what makes me tick.  My desires have not changed.  Ive tried to open my heart, mind and soul to other possibilities, but they wain and pale to the machine that drives my love of horses.  Among those realizations I’ve been having are, I want a place with pasture, an age old dream, and  that I love genetics.  I love at least the dream of breeding horses. I’m going to breed I think. Maybe not on any real kind of scale, but I have ideas and direction again. Also my eyes have been opened to coverups, lies and unspoken suspicions.  I wont be fooled so easily again.  Mistakes made were made at a price I refuse to pay again. I will learn from them and turn them into positive guidelines for a successful future.

Its scary to try this again.  But I’m up for it!

So I’ll leave The Pony Expression for now as it is. Wow, that conjured up some emotion.

See ya around.  Hopefully you come along on my next journey and share in the exhilaration of it with me. You’ll have to come along if you want to know what the rest of the story is…. 

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Excerpt… Husband by Arrangement

“My mother always said that getting into a relationship is like heating water: first simmer, then boil. The only way to be sure is to marry first and wait for love to come later. Westerners have it backwards –  you expect the water to come to a boil first. When the relationship cools down, you’re disappointed and you break i…t off.”

…how true!!!

Ive been married three times: 1st one was a 9 month annulment, 2nd lasted 5 years, the 3rd was abusive and I had to escape after 3 years. All of that happened before I was 37. Since then I’ve been single, dating occasionally here or there. With that life experience I have to say that I totally agree with the statement above.

When dating I find that everyone is looking for the boil first and wont take the time to really get to know another person and allow natural attractions to develop.  It’s very disheartening. It is also the reason I am still single. As I always look for real quality and friendship and similar passions in a person who gets it. That the water boils only after you get the pan out, fill it with water, then set onto heat that gradually builds until the water is at optimum temp.  All of that prep time is a bit boring and time consuming. Yet the desired affect comes about naturally and transforms without a lot of sparks and glitter. It is real though and has more depth.

So I’ve been single for 20 years…  I’ve kept up the ideal that someone with the criteria I look for… “real quality and friendship and similar passions in a person who gets it” will magically come along if I keep the doors and windows open, let go of old and allow new to reveal itself.  In the mean time I date younger men. Yes that’s right they are usually 10 to 15 years younger than me.  Why, because I figure it this way, they are not men I’d develop a long term relationship with.  They are after the boil first relationship full of sparks and glitter that so often goes nowhere.

So why not enjoy what they have to offer and move on.  Is that a good approach, mmmm… no not really, I realize it, but its better than being alone my whole life while waiting for a fairy tale to come along.  A dude who sees the bigger picture.

The goal in my relationship life now is to find a good friend to grow old with as friends flourishing in our mutual passions.  Maybe we become intimate at some time during that relationship and maybe we dont.  But we share the passions we both have in life in “real-life”. In the flesh.  One thing I have learned in this life’s experience as a single woman, is that I hate cyber relationships. they are safe, empty and go no where.

I re-evaluate my terms of endearment from time to time as I don’t want to be closed minded or close the circle of availability smaller and smaller.  Yet I find myself unable to waver from my position that friends who love similar things in life in many cases will fall into a deeply rewarding relationship with one another.  This will probably keep me single the rest of my life.  But I cant seem to shake it. Or trade it in for the a short and fiery bliss to hatred relationship that  so many people go through. I’ve been in and out of more relationships/dating scenarios that I want to truthfully admit to… thus this is where I have landed with those experiences.

All or nothing!

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March 10, 2011

I know I’m suppose to be working. Well no one is making me work. I know I need to and I have put a few hours in today and do have some progress so its not a complete wash like yesterday was. Something came up today that made me think about communication and why I put my life out there for all to inspect. It’s also Thankful Thursday… so will take a hiatus for a bit while I reflect and share.

Why do I put my life out there in full view… so many worry about their privacy, or their safety for good cause, but I have never felt the need for privacy from the universe and all that’s in it. My privacy is in my home. As for safety that’s relevant to whatever is going to happen will happen. I’m all for not encouraging stupid things to happen, but you’re not going to stop them when they come around they just come around. Example, I was walking past a horse one day that I had been working with for months. A sweet horse… kicked me so hard I was thrown 20 feet in the air. Why did he kick me? I’m guessing he was mad at me.  Did he warn me “Hey You, I’m pissed at you” no… I don’t even think he preconceived the notion. It came out of him from no where. He even seemed remorse about it. So safety is relevant – that no car part malfunctions… etc.

Universe hear me! I am going to put my soul out there for you to see, feel, taste, and hear. Awakend Heart from Conscious Flex: Communicating With Universe Within The Infinite Potential Consciousness

Relationship World – Real Communication Is About Sharing Feelings – this is about relationships between couples.  It also is the same model for between peoples of the world.

Educational program to aid in communication. 4-Way Mental Communication And Emotional Sharing

The Jewish Woman – Sharing the Worlds Beauty – A story about what we can see and feel  and share if we put ourselves in the right place within ourselves.

Then groups work around the world to collect life stories to help bring about world change.  A Storied Career – Get Ready for next Weeks International Day for Sharing Life Stories

Share My Story – People healing each other and others.

I’m convinced that what we share does have an impact on someone somewhere and my life has always been about planting seeds, offering something to someone who may or may not recognize the gift.  Never has it been about me or what I get from it.  I rarely get anything but labeled as being mouthy.  But if something I have experienced or share from knowledge to emotional expression of feelings can be of use to someone at some point in their lives… then I’m going to blab LOUD AND CLEAR for that person or persons forever!

Another aspect I love about sharing ourselveses with the world is that with the world wide web we get to meet people from all around the world with varied opinion and experiences.  What I love is when those people are not afraid to express who they really are what they really feel and how they are really coping with their lives.  Its part of my health management. I learn from them and try to take in things they impart.  Its a chain of connectedness.

Thank you Avatar for imparting this ideal so effectively.  Yes I am in the center, and I am outside the circle reaching in giving my part to Universe.

Thank you to all those who listen, who judge, who don’t, my friends, my acquaintances and those Ive yet to meet.  I listen to you – a conduit for a deep knowing through  me and me through you and all through the universe we share.  Thank you Internet for allowing this to be – connecting us all as one.  Especially those of us who are really LOUD! 

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I’ve been amiss in my Thankful Thursday posts.  With building my Rum Felicity and Catt Paw Massage websites there has been plenty of  online creative processing.  That and along with working on a web presence for my friend, Simrat’s online art home, and facebook posts and meanderings  I’ve been pretty busy.

I need though to acknowledge some wonderful things that are happening in my life.  So here goes.

1) I feel so fortunate to be employed by Montanya Distillers.

They are great people with a driving force to succeed.  What other kind of people would I want to align myself with.  If you apply yourself you can’t fail.  Apply myself  is what I am doing and I feel like my employers recognize this and appreciate it.  Yet I have had a couple set backs thanks to San Juan Mountain weather, having to cancel rum tastings in Grand Junction and Montrose last Friday.  Heather and I are suppose to be taking off today to get those tastings done.  I wake up this morning look outside and  argh… more snow!  The Mountains look socked in. I hope its just a dusting and we can make this trip as I don’t want to cancel on these folks again.  This is the first time I’ve been bummed by the snow.  I’m thinking that no more trips planned around the state until after April. Do all my driving this summer and settle back into phone calls this winter.  With that said, I am going back to Arizona first week in April to do tastings there which brings me to my second item to be thankful for.

2) My car is a good little car, but its not a long distance car by any means.  Its wonderful in the conditions I live in here in Silverton,  yet it struggles a bit out on a road.  I worry that if I take it too far from home, I’ll get stuck somewhere and have to call my son-in-law to come get me.  So, I have this Montanya trip planned for April to Arizona.  Its a good gig, worth the effort in the potential income it could generate.  So what did my company do?  They are renting a car for me to take on this trip so that I can get our product established in Arizona.  I know that other companies do this sort of thing… it’s just never been done for me before.  I am so thankful!!  I want this job to blossom for all concerned, I’m loyal and dedicated to the company and it feels good that they recognize something in me and are willing to take a risk on me.   Well its not really a risk… but some folks would see it that way.

This brings me to the third item.

3) Risk.

I’ve been looking at horses for a while now – trying to decide whether I want one or not and if I do, which kind.  Well I settled on the fact that I do want another horse. Its really hard though, because I am in love with a certain kind of horse a certain quality and personality. I’ve been spoiled by the likes of Asad, Kindlewood, and Madrid.  Elegant athletic, comical and loving companions.  These horses knew how to be friends.  They also had a certain beauty and grace that made the heart and soul sing when you gazed upon them.  So as I studied different breeds and individuals I became aware that what I really wanted was something similar to them in type and being.  As much as I admired other horses and types of horses, my heart would start when I came across certain ones.  In the process I tried to buy three different horses and either was turned down or became apprehensive and backed out.  I have a real fear of facing the pain that disease can cause for my horse after the devastating effect Kindlewood’s suffering and death had on me.  I could not bring her son home, because I was too afraid, and he reminded me of horses of the past.  A risk I just could not make myself face. I needed to move forward not backward.  I just could not look upon Pro everyday and not see him , but rather see his mother and her death,  and the loss of his grand sire and grand dam.  Not fare to him and too painful for me.  Heather said it yesterday… Mom, you had to sever yourself from them in order to move forward with a horse.  How profound of her!

So move forward I have…  and this is where I have landed.

Just a gorgeous 3 year old filly named Shades of Gray. A registered Spanish Mustang, gaited and appy.  Definitely my type of elegance and fluidity. I have never liked gray horses.  But I have fallen in love with this girl.  She is appy but she is turning gray which means that she will lose her spots someday and become a white horse.  I see fine China!!

Isn’t Shade one of the most feminine and sweet girls you’ve ever laid eyes on.  She’s a girly girl and I love that about her! I am back to being excited about the future and making plans for how we will live together. What kind of gear we’ll use together and what kind of education we’ll share together.  New journeys… new adventures.

Shade will remain in South Dakota at Don and Terri Harwood’s until June 2012 then she’ll make her journey to Silverton to play with me in the mountains for the summer, learn about human idiosyncrasies like climbing up on her back and such nonsense.  Then she will spend her first Colorado winter on pasture near Silverton.  I’m thinking of bringing her in off pasture in February of each year and boarding her for three or four months each spring where I can take lessons and brush up on my dressage training as someday this is what I want to do with her.  Haute Ecole…

Dreams… I want to thank Don and Terri Harwood of Blue Moon Spanish Mustangs for making this new dream possible. I’m so full of gratitude.

4) I want to thank everyone who has traveled this journey with me and have remained good freinds and valuable support.  Those who felt the impact of my experiences and shared their warmth and kindness as we waded through the muck together.  YOU all mean the world to me!

Thank you!

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RE-FINDING DIRECTION

(“Direction” – from John Curtin Gallery – by Nicole Slatter – 2008 oil on linen)

Well we are definitely  well into winter around here.  I have to say the snow is still  a powerful healing presence in  my life. I battle with it to get places or to stay dry or warm. But visually  and in some ways sensually it is very opening for that part of me that resides within myself.  I am still grappling with my idea of snow and what it conjures up in my mind.  I still find myself  saying that I don’t like snow, and I really do not like driving on mountain passes in blizzards.  But part of me really does like it – its healing and mystical presence in my life makes me feel cozy and complete inside.  Kinda how you feel when sitting on a river bank, or a mountain top, in a meadow or some other peaceful place of beauty.  Serene…

I feel serene here in Silverton in our wintry wonderland.  I just  have a difficult time seeing this as home. One of  this blogs readers commented on the last post Introspection – Walking The Red Road and brought me back to myself with her insight. See why I write my thoughts down here for all to read? You never know when some sweet spirit will come along to present a new world to journey through and investigate. Thank you My Shiloh Ranch for being that beautiful being in my life.  Your comment made me think past my emotions and desires to re-relate to my true self, I then set out to find other insights that would boost the power within me to be my true self in the face of my recent experiences. Another healing process I guess.

I came along this blog -  Allow Happiness and was pleased at how much beauty there is out there.  Allow Happiness shared a post listing their favorite blogs on happiness and I found them to be fabulous. So wanted to share them here with all of you.  The one in the the list that really spoke to my current situation is the Happiness Blog. Great stuff to think about.  So I am off of my recent introspection of how I got here and am back on what I am finding to be wonderful about being here.  I am also looking at the possibility that my ultimate happiness resides in a very different place  than what I have perceived or desired in the past.  When we think of what makes us happy, we have so many things to weigh that happiness against and those things come from our past as ideals or memories or experiences you want or do not want in your life at present.  Longings that you have nurtured, whether they are truly correct for your ultimate happiness or not. I’m going to do a little experiment on myself this winter. I am going to look to things that are new to me and unfamiliar and seek what within these odd to me things solicits joy from within me.  The first thing that comes to mind is bringing another greyhound in to my life.

(My Greyhound, Future  – 2004-2008 – in her favorite spot – How I miss her!)

Another is bringing Pro back home and getting back into the saddle making project.

(The Hope 1840′s saddle that I plan to build for Pro someday)

For just those two things to happen I am looking at another move and where is that to be?  I’m being pulled South. Toward Bayfield or Pagosa Springs or even Taos, New Mexico.  Taos would put me closer to the Spirits I crave to be close to.  It’s also a long way away from Heather, like 7 hours hours away from her.  There is a town an hour and fifteen minutes North of here called Ridgeway that might just be the ticket also.   The oddity to me here is that I have never considered Colorado a place I would permanently call home. It feels foreign to me to do so and I find myself searching elsewhere for that familiar homey feel.  But maybe I am home.  Maybe having horses in snow is a mystical magical beauty that my inner joy will abound with.  Maybe going camping near the Spirits will be my Church.  I don’t know yet. But I’m going to recreate my optimism for the adventure and see where I end up.

These are some of the things that bring instant sense of joy to me.

1) my horses on pastures

(found at: Western Open Edition Art Prints by Marye Roeser)

2) being near the Spirits

3) being near my daughter

4) my friends

5) being a free agent

6) being intimate with a/my lover

7) caring for and communing with my animal and plant friends

8 ) wearing pretty skirts

9) reading Terry Brooks Shannara books

10) eating breakfast outside

( I think I am going to go get me a breakfast and eat it outside to enjoy our beautiful white magical town)

11) being in control of my happiness

12) experiencing the most subtle beauties in any one moment.

13) creating (anything)

A lot of White Medicine I see here…

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It’s time for some introspection.  First of all I had a wonderful time in Arizona with my friends.  Each with their own unique beauty  and experience to share with me.  The trip to AZ caused some confusion for me though.  First off I miss Arizona, the desert and of course my friends there.  I was however reminded that I am ill affected by the number of people, housing, cars etc that have encroached upon the desert.

The 10 hour trip home was a very difficult experience and threw me into a space of self protection.  First off what use to take 20 minutes to get onto the Beeline (hwy 87), heading North to Payson took one and half hours because of the clusterfuck (excuse my language) of new freeways and housing developments that have arisen over the past  couple years.  I felt like I was being thwarted at every turn to just get onto the Beeline.  Once on it, there was more road construction, then people setting up road side bargain shopping or something, then snow in Heber.  Finally everything settles down and I feel a little like I can cruise along and I’m hit with rain and fog.

( Photo from “The WIT Continuum” post titled “The All Knowing Fog”)

It felt like Arizona had its massive fingers tightly wrapped around me with their iron grip and that I was battling every step of the way to cut myself loose. So when I finally hit Hwy 40, I booked it.  Yep I booked it so well I ended up with a speeding ticket.  Driving through the Navajo Reservation was simple as always – I always feel so good driving through there, but by now I am frazzled. This is when Heather calls me and wants to know how far out I am because they are having a blizzard in the San Juan Mountains.  I’m thinking someone or something really does not want me to return to Silverton, or leave Arizona. I was in tears for most of the trip over the mountain passes pushing snow ahead of me on Coal Bank Pass. Thankfully to our CDOT road crew stationed in Silverton, Molas Pass and Silverton were plowed and the last 3 miles was uneventful down the worst section of narrow cliff-side road and into town.  I arrived at 4pm went straight to Heather’s and dipped into her rum. Emotionally torn up and just plain beat, it’s taken several days to gather my thoughts and get settled in again.

The feel of being squeezed in by Arizona reminded me of the Apache Spirits that some believe live in the Superstition Mountains. I spent approximately 52 hours under the Sups and thought of those Spirits more than once.  While driving home I remembered my connection to those people and to the Thunder and Rock Beings whom I miss so much.  I remembered a trip my parents and I took some 20 years ago from Canyon Lake to Apache Lake on hwy 88. You end up going along  a sheer wall of the Sups as you make the hairpin curve of Hells Canyon.  It’s for the most part a single lane  with two way traffic along the cliffside.  My mother was an athiest, she loathed any  kind of spirituality and regarded any discussion of any such spiritual or religious topic grounds for a debate.  All of a sudden she calls out as we’re driving along the sheer cliff wall, “This is where they all are!”.    My dad looks at me kinda a funny while I ask her what she meant.  She said this is where the Apache jumped to their deaths and their spirits are here with us.  Well there is a story whether true or not about Apache’s falling to their deaths but which mountains that happened in is debatable.  I think there is a story that refers to the Chiricahua Mountains, but I believe that there may have been more than one incident.  I have no proof,  just something I have gathered having spoken with different local Apache.  It may all be in a my head, but I too believe that the Spirits exist there.  My trip home made me think of them and wonder if they wanted me to stay. I know a wee bit voodoo-ish for some to grasp,  but  my Native American Path grasps it just fine.

So on to other introspection’s.  I also realized or rather acknowledged, that I am still not home. Home is in the heart, and in that sense I’m very well adjusted to my home. But as for location… I’m still in limbo.  When Pro comes home I’ll  be looking at moving again Will it be this coming summer or the next I have no idea. I was telling a friend that I have been considering Bayfield, CO. It is close to Heather (2 hours away), less snow, possible work, place for horses and reasonable cost of living.  She suggested that I consider living in 2 places like so many people in Silverton do.  She suggested that I move back to Arizona for 4 or 5 months out of the year.  It would mean Id have to  keep two places, both cheap, and haul my horse back and forth or just see him at certain times of the year. ACK!!!! CONFUSION!  I’m thinking I’m going to let go and let whatever comes in the future, come in the future.  I can’t seem to plan for anything, and that frustrates me.  I really dislike the feeling of frustration or anxiety or any other negative feeling, so cast them away as soon as I realize they are haunting me. I know this, I want to be close to the Spirits again!  I also understand that you cant call out Spirits Guides to stand with you or give you hints  about life.

But I miss Pasquehela a Native Spirit who use to sit at my side when I needed strength in making decisions.  Where oh where have you gone?  Who or what is out there that I am missing?

My friend in Apache Junction lives his life much by the teachings of Buddha and I have been kinda reading up a bit on the “religion”  ummm… “way of life” in order to understand him more deeply.

What I found was a similarity to  Quantum Theory. Now that is something that I can grasp onto and run with.  Here is an article that simplifies  Quantum Buddhism and makes much sense to me.   Since coming home I have been struggling with some things and feel like one giant contradiction.  Then reading this article I realize that I am not contradicting myself at all, but am experiencing varied self awareness’s.  Read the article to understand what I mean.  But here is an excerpt to  spark your curiosity.

This cycle of events can be called a unit of eye consciousness or a QUANTUM of eye consciousness. (QUANTUM = a packet). The cycle of events is the same with all six types of sensory modalities. This is the fundamental unit of LIFE. After one sensory quantum wanes, another sensory quantum comes up like the waves in the seashore. Life is a pulsatile interrupted flow of these cycles (sensory quantums). The time duration of one quantum may be about 1/20th of a second (=50 milliseconds). Then per every one second there is an interrupted flow of about 20 quantums of life, with each and every quantum there arises a NEW SELF, with new perception, new volition and a new body lasting only for about 1/20th of a second and dies off.

SELFLESSNESS

In the analysis of a quantum of life, it is very clear that there is no permanent, unchangeable self inside the body who can perceive, think and act. Instead there are different SELVES coming up with each consciousness and passes away with the same consciousness which lives only for about 1/20th of a second (=50 milliseconds).

My point being is that I don’t always agree with myself and I find myself  debating within on various thoughts and how I handle myself during times of confusion. Usually like today I handle myself by writing them down – voicing them. I’m really looking for a discussion on the matters with those who may have sparked the flood of thoughts to help me clean them up.  As usual though like all of us I have to wade through them alone and look for ways to see through the mess to find the self I prefer to be.  What I love about the Quantum Buddhist theory and some of the teachings from “The Secret” is that I am in control and can choose which self I want to be. Meditation is one way of getting there, yet I spend so much time alone I am almost always in a state of meditation so again its how to gain control of those varying SELF’s  culling them toward who and what I want to be… simplify my self.  There it is again… simplicity – my best friend.

Where peace, growth and ultimate joy flourish.

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October 7, 2010

For those who are struggling…  (no need to define what kind of struggle, it’s different for all of us), I would like to offer a suggestion for self help…  Simplify.

Simply remove small tripping stones from your daily life. One here or there has potential to bring a sense of safety and relief from pressure.  Also brings to your struggle a sense of you being in charge having some small bit of control over what is seemingly being pressed upon you.

It appears that a lot of folks are going through some tough times this past couple of months. October being the  meanest of months for some.  Having had my turn at painful changes that seem to fall like boulders from somewhere unknown in the sky, I  would like to share that it comes to an end, and there is sunshine, refreshing water, and breathable air once you traverse to the other side.

How you get through your swamps of struggle will dramatically effect the quality of your life when you do finally emerge on the other side.  I encourage you to grasp onto something you can control something that is medicinal for you, therapeutic for you, and growth or forward moving. Something that makes you feel like you have a future before you.  Maybe that something is making time for regular massage or physical development, or cooking comfort food, or purging unnecessary objects from your home and your life.  Keep only those things essential to your well being or happiness.  Don’t be afraid to purge them as well. You may be surprised at how little you really need to be fabulously happy.

Core happiness comes from within… not from without.

For me it was gratitude.  Finding something to be grateful for, beginning with the most innate of things the most ethereal of things, the most simple of things.  Eventually I opened up to a broader scope of things to be thankful for.  Now I stand on a vast plain where every possible thing to be grateful for stands before me in plain sight to be reveled over,  right down to being available for those of you who are walking your path of struggles.

I highly encourage finding things to be grateful for.  Then start small. pebbles are much easier to maneuver than boulders.  Hug yourself and believe in yourself.

I BELIEVE IN YOU!

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Something amazing has happened this past week.  I am so excited about it I can hardly contain myself.  Sometimes we step back and take a good look around, just to reset our bearings.  I’ve been in this process for sometime now  simplifying my life, healing old wounds, and immersed in new and exciting adventures.  I love stepping back and gazing upon all there is – taking in the awe of it. Feeling the awesomeness of it all.

It? What is that?

Whatever lays before you, could be physically – the landscape – the home – the family or a friend – whatever. It could be something you feel and has no words for its description.  I have that going on right now with Ron my friend in Arizona.  The feel of having him back as my friend is wonderful.  While the lay of land before me causes me to gasp at its primal beauty, well just read a few posts back and you’ll know what I mean.  Whether in the desert or the alpine mountains or near shoreline, Earth speaks to me in so many beautiful ways.  My family and friends, new and old?  Oh My God!  Am I ever the most lucky person in the world to have such wonderful people surrounding me. Observing these things brings new stimulus for me to ponder and absorb.

You know what? I’m in love…

In love with my mother the Earth, my friends and family, the feelings that serge through me.  Spirit!

…back to my exciting realization…

I want to go riding!  I WANT TO GO RIDING!!  I want my horse back home and I want to go spend my time with him!  It’s genuine, brings tears to my eyes!

(Pro in 2009 – otherwise known as Celt’s Prophecy, as a yearling trying on a saddle for fun. Don’t worry the saddle had no cinch and only weighs 30 lbs.)

Ron, I want you to know something.  The day we reconnected I made a decision to bring my colt back home next summer.  I committed to him. Something in reconnecting with you reconnected me with my passion and with Pro.  All of a sudden yesterday comes along and I’m yearning to feel the weight of my saddle in my arms, smell the leather, and Pro’s flesh…    now I’m biting at the bit to get to him and sit WITH him…   bond.  I would love it if someday you and I could take our horses for a week long or more trip into the wilderness and bond with our Mother and our companions and one another.

I’m back!  I want to go riding!

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September 23, 2010

What the simple life has to offer if one just has the moxie to go for it.  How many wonderful things you experience if you just have the willingness to see them.  Here are some things I have to be thankful for.

1) Foremost  the rekindling of an old friendship that brings such deep feelings to bear.  I’ll be headed to Arizona in November to visit my friend there. His presence in my life has had such a wonderful impact on me.  We don’t always have second chances at friendships and this one means the world to me.

2) How wonderful it is to be close to my daughter sharing in her and her families lives.  She has a new house, all pretty with deck and rock wall. Lots of new things inside.  I am so thankful to her in laws Cindy and Bill MacDougall for making it possible for Heather and Malcolm to build an investment for themselves while living in a new comfy home.  That is what family is all about!

3) Being here in Silverton to witness such dramatic beauty.  I will never have words to share that will express the  grandeur of this place at any season. But “The Colors” as we call them, just blows your mind.

Stepping out my door onto Greene Street.

View from my cash register at the convenient store (Conoco Station), family owned with Bill and Cindy MacDougall, Malcolm’s (my son-in law) parents. Mal is part owner and manages the store and Heather is their primary employ.  I am so lucky that they have offered me employment so that my transition to Silverton has been seamless.

Another view from my cash register.  How lucky am I??

And yet another view from inside the sore.  If you look real close you can see the construction of the new bridge over Mineral Creek. But who cares about that when you see such amazing beauty just beyond.

About two or three times a week I eat breakfast at “The Bent Elbow”. I am sitting at my table  on the outside patio waiting for my food when taking this picture.  Yep this is my breakfast view.  Who would not be thankful for this?  The buildings across the street are part of what is known as the “Old Town Square”  They include the stores, The Emporium, and Olde Tyme Photo shop both ran by my good friends Tommy and Patty Wipf.   Up stairs over The Emporium on the right, the Wipf’s rent out  the weekend vacation retreat, Lola’s Place. The rental use to be the home and place of business of Lola one of Silverton’s well known Madame’s on “Notorious Blair Street” famous for its many brothels.  In fact, The Bent Elbow was a brothel housing several ladies of the night.

Another view  from my breakfast table.

Here is a shot of Kendall Mountain, the mountain I climbed in an earlier blog post. Isn’t it just gorgeous!!!  This shot was taken outside of the convenient store. To think this mountain is in Heather and Malcolm’s back yard…

No words can describe this…  heading North-ish toward Ouray and taken out side the convenient store.

One of Sultann Mountains peaks as seen through an ornamental fence belonging to my yoga instructor.

.. and now for the  grand poo pah!

Arrastra Gulch This where Heather and Malcolm were married 2 years ago. Malcolm took Heather up to see the colors there on their Anniversary this last September 20th.  He took this picture.   Makes me want to burst out with tears of awesomness!

Happy Thankful Thursday everyone. Try to find beauty in your life and embrace simplicity and give yourselves a break.  Be grateful…

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September 2, 2010

A couple of weeks ago I had a dream about someone  who was struggling for life because they could not catch their breath.  This is someone I actually know, who has in a round about way had an impact on me, having been present for some very major events in my life. As such a presence I have learned over the years to hold them somewhat close – like family.  They on the other hand have no idea.  Not a thought!  In my dream I ran hither and fro to find someone to help save their life.  Then I woke up. I’m not close enough to this person to really know anything about what goes on in their life, however living in a small town some news does travel around. Talking to another friend tonight, we discussed dreams and their possible deeper meaning.  Later it came to me that the person I dreamed about had recently lost a pet… a pet that had a mission, a purpose that had very deep meaning for the object of my dream, and was very close to succeeding in that purpose.  The loss was senseless and helpless. The entire communities feelings were palpable. Being empathic, I felt the empathy, sympathy, and for some the “attitude” or “opinion”  in many cases not favorable… the primary feeling of the town though was one of sadness.  The dream I had occurred a few days after the pets demise. I had wished that I could offer some sort of support to help with the pain of loss.  But that opening is not available to me.  Now it makes sense. I could feel the persons pain  and the communities awareness like it was water touching my skin. Feeling helpless to help.  So in my dream I scampered around trying to find help to save a life, not really being able to make a difference.  Why such a sad story for Thankful Thursday?  Because I realize that I still am connected, that I feel so much more of my surroundings. Something I thought I had shut down  before moving to Colorado.  But my connection to other living things, and people is very much alive and searching for a way to express itself. If only in my dreams for now. I feel like I’m able to open back up and let the empathic juices flow again.  So again my distant friend… you have impacted my life in yet another powerful way.  I wish only the warmest and most generous journey in life for you.

On to a friend whom I am exploring for the second time in life.  He too has given me a gift. Again tonight, while visiting about dreams with my friend, we also touched on other gifts that come in some very surprising packages.  My renewed friendship with a very special man whom I’ve always held feelings for comes after a darker period in our relationship.  Not really dark as in dank and perilous, but just non existent (12 years non existent).  Recently he has shared with me several times that we are embarking anew, the past doesn’t exist for us. We are just meeting fresh and beginning a new journey.  I’ve had to absorb this and fondle it…   and it resonates with me.  As my life each day is one of a new journey!  My friend has freed me of the past. He has opened the gates to allow this mare to run free, take in the wind, soak up the sun and to come to him as she feels the need.  A perfect symbiotic relationship. One of no encumbrances.  How I wish others could find this path and the love and joy and most of all FREEDOM that comes with it.  Thanks HANDSOME COWBOY…  I really do find you (the person you are from your earthly soul to your captivating mind), so very alluring and safe. I wish only to offer the same in return.

I am so thankful for the realizations that came today, for my friend who traveled down the path with me toward these discoveries… HUGS Maryanne!

There is always something to find gratitude in.  Even if it’s found in a dream… or offered as a place from which to begin anew.

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