Thankful Thursday May 5, 2011
…posted one day early…

PASSIONATA DI CATALANO

Life sure is a roller coaster, and throws all kinds of wrenches at you.  Just when I’m certain I have it all figured out and have gained some sense of balance and direction in my life… wham things turn upside down again and I’m back clawing my way back up the mountainside reaching for that stable platform.  It seems as though we spend all of our time balancing that platform upon the narrowest peak doing our best to keep it level and our lives on track and comfortable. Realization is that the platform we all cling to is not so stable at all. For me it’s always been trying to improve on what was provided for me.  I always do it too.  I always try to take what was provided and take it to a place that is just out of reach.  Maybe it’s the explorer in me, the challenger, or researcher.  But it always blows up in my face, if not now, then later, but at some point I’ve got it coming.  This has been my life’s lesson over and over again, and you’d think that at some point I’d heed its message.

So if you have read the last post you’ll see that I was on to a dream, I sought it out and was going for it, creating the path I would walk down. Well shortly after posting it, the horse I was creating my dreams around died. The other horse I had hoped to move forward with was made unavailable to me and I was lost again. Not one day later though an old opportunity to travel down a specific path opened up to me and I chose to take it and yet not a day later than that I had already moved this opportunity toward that unachievable goal. Damn!  It took Heather to open my eyes and show me what I was doing… again.  In a few short sentences, she brought daylight to the path that has been provided to me and brought light to what I was doing…. again, reminding me how it all could end up if I kept this up.  So my job now is to keep it simple and finally heed that lesson. Find satisfaction in the simple pleasure of this gift.

It’s a funny thing, since early childhood I’ve been drawn to blue animals. Blue cats, blue dogs, blue horses, blue birds, blue fish.  I don’t want a cat… but guess what… meet Gunner.

He is a six year old grossly overweight life long pet of a friend who moved to Thailand. I could not see this guy just tossed aside so I offered to help find him a forever home. They called him “Crazy Legs” because he would attack your legs.  Wow were they not kidding… this guy is treacherous.  I had cuts and scratches all over me from him attacking me as I’d walk by. There was no petting him without being in danger.  Once he attacked me from across the room and left marks all over my chest.  I was a little nervous about sleeping in the first days after he moved in with me, that he would attack my face at night. I mean not your usual kitty play. we’re talking dangerous injury kind of kill pray kind of thing. Me being the pray. I think this cat weighed close to 30 lbs, and  has a big cat (like tiger sized) mind.  I quickly realized that he was not going to find a home.  I’m faced with putting him down or putting him in a no kill shelter who will keep him caged for life, or biting the bullet so to speak and keeping him myself. I’ve renamed him Gunner for his gun metal color and have put him on a diet where he has lost maybe 4 or 5 lbs over the month and still needing to lose about 8 to 10 more.  He may put me in a position to have to find another home as I’m not suppose to have a cat where I live.  I’m going to ask if I can pay a hefty deposit, non refundable, with written promise of carpet cleaning etc when I move out. Gunner is not a dirty cat, he is very quiet, doesn’t get into anything, and is trying so hard to learn how to be gentle and loving.  He wants to be secure so badly. I have to try.

So at least at the moment, I have a blue ‘”fat” murderous cat named Gunner, and, if you have been paying attention… I now also have a blue horse.

(Yes I know, she looks mouse brown here, but she is what is called a grulla known for their blue-ish tint with dark head, legs, mane and tail, and stripes also on their legs and stripe down the back.  Once shed  out she will be a deep slate smokey color with a blue-ish tint.)

From my favorite bloodlines in the Spanish Mustang breed, I’ve named her Passionata di Catalano after my passions for this breed, for horses in general, and given her my maiden name Catalano which means from Catalan Spain where our Sicilian family originated many many moons ago during the Catalan/Iberian reign. A tiny little thing, she will be perfect for my family and inexpensive to feed and maintain. She was given to me from Laura Louise Jayne  Mueller of Spanish Horse Conservatory, the lady I once bought my first Spanish Mustang from. Now to keep on the path of the opportunity that has been afforded me. To intertwine her into my family as a member, train and show her in exhibitions, and just enjoy a horse (One Horse) for the sake of a horse and for no other reason no matter how grand or potentially beneficial.  Creator, please give me the strength and wisdom to stay on this path, and to keep from trying to turn it into something more than it is fated to be.

Aho

So, the plan is to locate a place to bring Passionata home to this June in Silverton for the summer then to just begin the life long process of becoming friends with her.  To some time by next summer buy a saddle something like this Portuguese Vaquero saddle for her.

With matching bridle and equipment. while in the meantime start her training for classical style work that will prepare her for Garrocha.

I’d knot her tail up like you see here and braid her mane up and go to exhibitions… I think Passionata would be very pretty and well suited for this kind of work, as well as trail riding and family enjoyment.

So unless the creator changes things up on me once again this is where I sit. A blue cat named Gunner, more than likely a new place to live by next summer, a blue horse named Passionata di Catalano and a dream of trail riding,  along with Garrocha exhibitions and family fun.

Wish me luck!

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RE-FINDING DIRECTION

(“Direction” – from John Curtin Gallery – by Nicole Slatter – 2008 oil on linen)

Well we are definitely  well into winter around here.  I have to say the snow is still  a powerful healing presence in  my life. I battle with it to get places or to stay dry or warm. But visually  and in some ways sensually it is very opening for that part of me that resides within myself.  I am still grappling with my idea of snow and what it conjures up in my mind.  I still find myself  saying that I don’t like snow, and I really do not like driving on mountain passes in blizzards.  But part of me really does like it – its healing and mystical presence in my life makes me feel cozy and complete inside.  Kinda how you feel when sitting on a river bank, or a mountain top, in a meadow or some other peaceful place of beauty.  Serene…

I feel serene here in Silverton in our wintry wonderland.  I just  have a difficult time seeing this as home. One of  this blogs readers commented on the last post Introspection – Walking The Red Road and brought me back to myself with her insight. See why I write my thoughts down here for all to read? You never know when some sweet spirit will come along to present a new world to journey through and investigate. Thank you My Shiloh Ranch for being that beautiful being in my life.  Your comment made me think past my emotions and desires to re-relate to my true self, I then set out to find other insights that would boost the power within me to be my true self in the face of my recent experiences. Another healing process I guess.

I came along this blog -  Allow Happiness and was pleased at how much beauty there is out there.  Allow Happiness shared a post listing their favorite blogs on happiness and I found them to be fabulous. So wanted to share them here with all of you.  The one in the the list that really spoke to my current situation is the Happiness Blog. Great stuff to think about.  So I am off of my recent introspection of how I got here and am back on what I am finding to be wonderful about being here.  I am also looking at the possibility that my ultimate happiness resides in a very different place  than what I have perceived or desired in the past.  When we think of what makes us happy, we have so many things to weigh that happiness against and those things come from our past as ideals or memories or experiences you want or do not want in your life at present.  Longings that you have nurtured, whether they are truly correct for your ultimate happiness or not. I’m going to do a little experiment on myself this winter. I am going to look to things that are new to me and unfamiliar and seek what within these odd to me things solicits joy from within me.  The first thing that comes to mind is bringing another greyhound in to my life.

(My Greyhound, Future  – 2004-2008 – in her favorite spot – How I miss her!)

Another is bringing Pro back home and getting back into the saddle making project.

(The Hope 1840′s saddle that I plan to build for Pro someday)

For just those two things to happen I am looking at another move and where is that to be?  I’m being pulled South. Toward Bayfield or Pagosa Springs or even Taos, New Mexico.  Taos would put me closer to the Spirits I crave to be close to.  It’s also a long way away from Heather, like 7 hours hours away from her.  There is a town an hour and fifteen minutes North of here called Ridgeway that might just be the ticket also.   The oddity to me here is that I have never considered Colorado a place I would permanently call home. It feels foreign to me to do so and I find myself searching elsewhere for that familiar homey feel.  But maybe I am home.  Maybe having horses in snow is a mystical magical beauty that my inner joy will abound with.  Maybe going camping near the Spirits will be my Church.  I don’t know yet. But I’m going to recreate my optimism for the adventure and see where I end up.

These are some of the things that bring instant sense of joy to me.

1) my horses on pastures

(found at: Western Open Edition Art Prints by Marye Roeser)

2) being near the Spirits

3) being near my daughter

4) my friends

5) being a free agent

6) being intimate with a/my lover

7) caring for and communing with my animal and plant friends

8 ) wearing pretty skirts

9) reading Terry Brooks Shannara books

10) eating breakfast outside

( I think I am going to go get me a breakfast and eat it outside to enjoy our beautiful white magical town)

11) being in control of my happiness

12) experiencing the most subtle beauties in any one moment.

13) creating (anything)

A lot of White Medicine I see here…

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Yeah yeah I know I said I was going to cut the links to all the posts to my blog  except for the  Thankful Thursdays etc.  But after asking a few people their opinion, I have decided to leave them.  Plus when I check out the visitors on my stats page most are coming to view those very pages. Ones like Sunday Historathon – 1800′s, maybe I should continue it?, and create a Saddle series, and continue the Cowboy life.  I have a piece from someone I met on Twitter that I have not posted yet for the Cowboy Life series.  It’s a good one too.  There is a gal who may start posting her Thankful Thursdays on THE PONY EXPRESSION too.

I like how this blog reflects my life history both sad and happy, but also has interesting things outside of me for folks to read.

Lesson learned there are no final decisions.

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Today comes an announcement.

Paisano goes home to Simrat. We are currently looking for someone traveling through Arizona on their way to the Pacific Northwest (through Oregon) who may have an open spot in their horse trailer.  We would like Paisano to travel around the middle of June.

Why do you ask, especially those of you who frequent here solely to see whats up with Paisano?  Because we are not a match.  One of us or both of us would have to change innate parts of ourselves in order to build a true partnership.  Paisano put his best foot forward, gave it his all and tried to become my horse.  Alas, I am broken where it comes to horses so it’s no fault of his.  I recognize that just a pretty face or a sweet spirit is not enough for me any more.  Some of it comes down to economics, I need a horse for a specific function in my life, and I can’t afford to feed one who misses that mark.  That does not mean that Paisano is less horse than any other horse. In truth he is more horse than most horses you ‘d meet.  He just is different from my expectations.  I tried to change me and my goals for him because a horse of his calibre deserves every possible effort on my part.  Every horse does actually. This only made me step away from him, because I could not be who I really am and be his person.

Of course I didn’t say anything publicly, but if you really read my blog posts you would have spied a few disappointments here and there, with more adding up as time went on, with phrases like, “working my ass off”, “Pai getting angry with me”, etc.  These are not phrases depicting harmony. I won’t do this to Paisano and I wont do it to myself.  I hit my wall the other day when the tree obviously did not fit. I just am not willing to spend my money on almosts anymore.  I’m financially a poor girl, Spiritually I am richer than most. Emotionally I am resilient and have had to be due to all the losses in my life over the past 5 years.  I’m afraid though that Kindlewood took my last breath away. 

Not sure any other horse than Pro can fill any spot in my heart for awhile. 

I had hoped that Paisano’s sweet and gentle spirit would have broken through and that new things to explore with him would bring fresh and welcomed change to my life … but it didn’t.  Lesson learned.  Do not enter into relationships until you have mended from past ones.  Where it comes to men I have mended and am open for someone special to come into my life  again, yet those  same rules apply, we must be a fit without changing who we are innately.  As for horses, I’m still broken.

You may have noticed a different horse in my blog banner above. The end photos are of Pro, but the inner three are of a filly that has been offered to me. I have wanted this filly for a very long time…

…here comes the rest of the story…

…yesterday I went to a friend for a third guided imagery session.  This was another one of those blown away moments.  What I wanted to work on was my willingness to be open minded and ready for change, and to flow with what Colorado offers me. Leaving my preconceived notions, and control freak attitude behind.  What I discovered was that I am a free spirit, and am of the earth, that water is very important to my spiritual well-being.  That’s why in Arizona I hung around swimming pools, before that sailboats, before that fishing boats, and swimming spots at favorite creeks.  I love long baths, long showers, spa’s…  water. Incredible discovery for someone who had loved this desert beyond anything imaginable.  I rediscovered my need for water.  I also remembered that once upon a time 30 some years ago I was living on a sail boat in the Sea of Cortez, saying to myself  if I didn’t want HORSES so badly I would live here on the ocean forever. When I get my finances back in order and am settled down in Colorado, I’m buying a canoe or a kayak, or both. I’m going to spend my money on water for awhile and not horse feed, well other than what Pro eats.  Heather has shown some interest in Pro, so maybe we’ll will geld him after all and grow him up to be a family shared horse we can all afford and enjoy.  Maybe I’ll go seek out mountain meadows, deer, rock canyons,  rivers, and eagles.  Pro could come along as a hiking buddy from time to time while he grows up. I still have the dream of doing the 800 mile ride in Arizona and to build my Hope Santa Fe 1800′s saddle but maybe this time it will be Pro who wears it.  He is gaited bold and ambitious with the fire I like in horse so maybe down the road I can still show my home bred SMR horse in FOSH gaited shows. One horse who maybe can do it all if he stays sound. If he doesn’t he has family until that day.

What of the filly you ask? I’m turning her down.

For all of you who have supported me on my saddle endeavor hold onto your chairs, I’m not done with the research and posting on saddles and saddle making. I’m thinking now of buying an older saddle and tearing it apart to build a saddle on the tree as a learning curve experience.  I’m not done. I still want to build saddles.

If you are traveling through Arizona on your way up through Oregon in June, remember Paisano needs a ride home.

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Today’s Thankful Thursday

Todays Thankful Thursday has been an exercise in how to be thankful in the face of adversity.   It’s all in how we view it. Amongst the wonderful things are also the challenges and these too we must find thankfulness in.

For more thankfulness take peek at these blogs:

Akal Ranch

Tired Dog Ranch

Enlightened Horsemanship Through Touch

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THE SADDLE

The last couple of saddle posts have generated some good questions, so I decided its time for me to produce my Sunday Historathon – 1800′s entry and Arizona Trail Ride research piece on Paisano’s saddle.  I had planned to post it Sunday, however, WordPress thought otherwise.  So it’s up now.  Go ahead and enjoy it.

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Here is one prototype I came up with for Paisano’s saddle, this time on our new Hope tree.  I pieced it together in Adobe Photoshop from several saddles that had elements I liked. Now that I am looking at it I made the saddle a little large on Pai with the stirrup leathers needing to be longer and stirrups needing to be larger, but you get the idea.  There is no skirt or blanket yet. I’m thinking either a black with white trim Navajo double blanket or a red Navajo double blanket. I would have added a skirt but I didn’t have one that would work with this saddle in my photo library. If I continue with this prototype, I’ll go online and search out a skirt that fits.  This saddle has no screws, buckles or rivets. The only nails used will be in the seat, and rigging and skirting.  In the rigging there will be two rows of nails (3 in each row) on both the front and rear rigging straps (each side) as they go up over the fork and rear bars.  The nails will serve dual purpose to secure the rigging and act  as an understated style element.  The conchos are both leather underneath and antique stainless steel on top.  I’m using rawhide for the strings which will tie the skirt, tree and rigging together.  All areas where a buckle or screw or rivet would be used I am lacing the pieces together.  I think this version is in keeping with my 1800′s goals being rich enough in color and flashy enough in character without being gaudy or over powering Paisano’s color.  What do you think?

There may be several of these protoypes before I finally settle on one this winter when building the saddle begins.

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Not a lot to say here, except that it is gorgeous and it was shipped out today.  We expect about 10 -14 days for arrival.  Can you see why I would want for most of the tree to be visible.  It is just a piece of art!  I’m going to have a hard time drilling holes in it for the strings, or screwing anything into it.  Rod did a magnificent job spacing the tacks/nails perfectly and the stitching is beautifully done.  What craftsmanship and well worth all we have been through to achieve. This tree could easily last two life times and I am guessing if a tree is kept in perfect condition it could last many more lifetimes. Obviously Pai’s tree will live in the house and the saddle will be carried in a water proof saddle bag at all times.  I think in  the saddlebags I will keep a saddle poncho as well for any surprise storms.

I am going to name this tree and refer to it by that name. Much like a swordsman names his blade. A name to be carried on throughout its lifetime.

I have waited 16 years for a tree that will fit one of my horses properly.  This tree Rod, Denise and I have been discussing for well over a year and half now.  It started out with me wanting to have a saddle built for Kindlewood well over two years ago.   When she died, I lost hope or sight of having a tree made, but when Pai arrived with his particular needs, the dream was rekindled and now he is only days away from having his own tree upon which I will be build my first saddle.

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Well guys it’s almost finished drying and will be shipped off once its varnished.

Here it is before the rawhide was applied. 

Paisano’s Tree

Rod and Denise will send me another picture of it once the varnish is dried just before shipping.  I am in a state of disbelief. After all these years finally a tree that fits my horse.  Paisano will have a saddle that offers him the most comfort and I will have a saddle that fits me fairly well. 

So now we have a tree, so let’s talk style.

First off the horn cap is not as large as I had originally planned on.  Rod and I talked for quite awhile about how I ride and what functions this saddle would have.  Yes it will be an exhibition saddle representing the 1800′s period style Hope saddles. But it will also be my daily riding saddle and see many, many miles in all different types of terrain. Each Hope’s tree style was dictated by the locale in which it was made and used.  A Texas Hope from a very early age may have a very large horn cap, if its a Mexican saddle that horn could be very large in deed. If the saddle tree maker was from New Mexico or California the horn style would begin to vary.  I told Rod to build me the horn that would best suit my style of riding while maintaining Hope credibility.  So with that we see some variance between the horn style of my tree and those trees we will be viewing below.  Also the angle of the cantel was dictated by Paisano’s length of body and my thigh size. which made it sit upright a bit steeper to accommodate my thigh than what you may see on one of these other saddles that accommodate a longer bodied horse and possibly narrower legged rider.  It took some Rod Nikkels magic to get a 15 inch seat on Paisano’s bar length.  We also see a more accentuated curve to the bottom sides of the bars which accommodate Pai’s very flat wide and well sprung ribs.  Being cut away that much will also make for more comfort for my thighs as well as provide for more contact with Paisano.  Which brings us to the saddle style itself.

Original Model

Here you see my original model for Pai’s saddle.  It has changed a bit since then.  I’m going with less leather is better. I have no idea what color the rawhide dried out to be so that will be a deciding factor in leather color.  That and I have decided that I love Paisano’s blueish black coat in russet so we’ll see.

Saddle #1

Saddle #2

So here we see two saddles that give us two different rigging options.  Before I actually build Paisano’s saddle I will buy some latigo and basically tie the rigging ring to the saddle reminiscent of the saddle #1 .  In other words run the latigo around each side the of the pommel/gullet and tie off at the ring. Repeating on offside. I can adjust to Paisano’s needs and get a good feel for where his rigging will go before I  cut expensive high grade leather for the final build. When I get around to building the saddle I want to do the variation that’s on the saddle #2.   Basically running the strap around the pommel to attach both ends  to the rings and have and additional latigo go up over the front the pommel to attach on both sides between the smaller straps. 
As for back strap or “jockey” that goes over the back of the bars behind the cantel I plan on using a basic latigo strap initially and tie it off to the ring to complete the prototype rigging.  I will maintain this theme into the finished saddle as I have no plans on build jockeys that cover the rear bars. Instead I will cover the latigo rear rigging strap with saddlebags as seen above.  This helps to cut down weight and work while making the saddle highly functional for those “long-rides” I plan to be taking  Pai on. I.E. the Arizona 800 mile trail ride.

Drawing

Saddle #3

Now for the stirrup leathers. Yep that’s it folks straps with the old time buckles will be what I use for now. Later on I plan to use the stirrup leather style minus all the tooling that you saw above on Saddle #2.  One piece leathers cut to allow for fenders and old style buckles. Of course the stirrups leathers will attach at the slots you see in the bars of Paisano’s saddle instead of running over the entirety of each bar.  I will cover the seat with a simple 1/2 seat over a steel retainer.  As for the skirting I will have to let Paisano decide how that will go.  It will be a rounded skirt but it’s size shape will be dictated by Paisano. If I go with a skirting like  saddle #3 I may choose to use ring guards which are perfectly correct for the period I am shooting for.  However since the rings will hang lower as on saddle #3  as opposed to what you may see in some of the saddles above, I may build my skirt to come down low enough to come between the ring and horse. Pai has so little room to work with in this area, that I will have to let him dictate how the skirt and rigging come together. 

I figure about one hundred more dollars and Pai’s saddle will be serviceable.  I will get a good feel for how the tree will ride and how Pai responds to it. Probably my winter project will be putting the final saddle together at an estimated additional cost of five to six hundred dollars.  There will be long tie strings, the fenders to make, the seat to make, the permanent rigging, stirrups, conchos and medallions to add, plus having the saddle bags made.  I will having a breast collar and headstall and reins/romal made to match as well.

More updates will come when the tree gets here.

Next spring this boy will be decked out!!

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Trimmed Pro’s feet today.  Didn’t get them where I want them as we spent way too much time pawing, jerking feet, along with dropping puberty-hood things that belong put away with all the reprimands that go with such activities.  He didn’t bite today.  That was a plus on his side.  I have let his feet go too long this time and they were pretty far out of whack, so I’ll get back to them again next weekend to balance and finish cleaning them up.  For now he is at least within reason of where he should be.  I decided since he was such a “stubborn-button-pushing-knot-head” that he could stand tied for an hour. But something clicked in me… don’t know what it was or what I was thinking of…

I hope he feels totally humilated!! Humph!

Don’t ask what got into me?  Seemed like a good idea to me, and no he is not cinched up.   I would say that he is  a bit ho hum if not annoyed by my idea.  What do you think? Right now he is standing tied up right there to the horse trailer, without the saddle.  I figure while I play on the computer he can think about being a butt head.  Memories of his granddad coming flooding in…   that was a two year ordeal of exhausting out thinking, out maneuvering, and out muscling one stubborn beast.  Pro may find himself gelded early if he thinks he is walking in those shoes!!

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